THREE

Song: Seven Days (Original Mix), by Umami

 

I am still here and so is the DJ, so are the lights; so are my legs, so are my hands, which take off smoothly in two different flights. Twenty minutes for Speedy-J to start.

My mind opens the door of the toilet while announcing: its time to go back.

My heart reaffirms; my eyes nod; my feet walk. There is no need for me to say anything to my friends, they already know; they already went.

The bathroom looks different, it shines more. It is full of people and sounds and actions and things, things that bring movement to my peaceful moment. I still feel great and greatness provably feels me back. I stand in the same spot, under the same light, next to two guys which look as confortable as I do. This time, however, my face stopped playing poker and pretending that everything is fine while somehow I know it is not. Now it smiles, showing that everything is actually fine while somehow I know it is. I don’t try to hide my intentions, nor ridiculously pretend I really need to pee. I don’t feel observed by them neither by the lady who guards the sugar jewellery at the entrance. And even if I see anyone looking, I don’t care; I feel like I’m at home, that I could easily take my pants off and walk in shield-shaped slippers and shameless semi-clean underwear.

The door opens and more happy-looking people comes out of it. Hi toilet, you look whiter than before. I don’t fill my head with empty thoughts nor unlikely predictions. I feel and witness my hands going to my socks, getting the plastic bag out: it is very transparent, and shiny, and dry and rough. That makes me laugh but I don’t know why. I get half pill out of the bag, it will be enough to get where I want to go. I forgot my beer on the dance floor. Well, did I have one? It doesn’t matter; it is what it is. If these are all my problems tonight, let’s get on with it.

I swallow it while I close my eyes. The pill feels rough, just like the plastic bag. I open the door and smile, and walk out the bathroom like its Saturday fever night. What a life.

On the way back to the carnivalistic darkness, I smile several people I encounter, whom I already saw before when I was to busy being shy. It feels good to feel natural. It feels good not to have, nor need, a reason to talk to them:

– Hi, how you doing? – I ask the guy who walks next to me on the way back to the dance floor.

– Great, I like your dread!

– Thanks (while I touch it); I’ll see you later.

Simple; natural: confortable.

I get back to where my friends stand, in the exactly same place, with the exact same face. While it has been like a random adventure for me, time hasn’t pass by for them.

Juan Sánchez stops the electric beat and prolongs it while clapping his hands. And so do we. Well done, thanks for your time, and effort, and passion. Gratitude invades me; it feels like his success is also mine.

– That was fucking incredible

– Yeah!

– Yeah!

There is not that much we need to say in order to understand what we mean and feel. And just when we give each other a three-way hug, Speedy-J walks into the stage. Goosebumps and shouting and more hands clapping and excitement becomes what glues us together. The tingling continues and I feel so exceptionally grateful for being here, for being alive, for being part of this along 900 other people who I don’t know, but that I don’t need to know in order to feel close to them. Myself is no longer mine and ‘We’ constructs a way more powerful, tender and senseful identity.

The second army of ants makes its way to my heart, a heart that has already been beating to the rhythm of the night; the night; oh yeah. The rhythm of the night.

Speedy-J’s tribal anthem has me covered while its beat defines and delimits my existence. My mind completely forgot who I was, in order for me just to be. I am so unnaturally and naturally happy at the same time. Love and Euphoria are my not-Spanish-anymore new surnames.

My mind stays mild.
My eyes are going wild;
my body just hovers around while I feel just like a child.

Everything amuses and feels new to me.
I have almost never felt this honest before, just in past dates with ecstasy.
I am totally mindful about the surrounding world, while careless about my role.
I don’t question, I don’t wonder, and I can feel how my body glows as a whole.

I feel like I belong ‘here’ and ‘here’ has always been here while it was me who has been away from it;
with my preoccupations, my pre-established conceptions, fake relations, distant sensations, manipulated temptations and empty celebrations of this new generation.

Routine broke into the happy tears of another human reconnecting with itself.

 

PS: Three

 

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